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Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Jon and Kate
What the heck people? What is going on, I am torn to pieces today to find that my beloved Jon and Kate are very close to getting a divorce. When I heard this, and I saw them talking about it last night on TLC only anger could fill my soul. Such a lovely family, torn apart by, THE MEDIA DEMONS. Yes, its true, the media spares no one.
I have been following this fantastic family since the beginning probably. I have seen almost every episode although I usually just catch the daytime reruns. What the media has done to this family is awful. Do I blame Jon? No. Do I blame Kate? No. Do I blame those awesome little youngsters? HECK no. I blame TLC and People freakin' magazine and all those stupid media monkeys that have to get their decrepit dainty little old asian lady hands with long fingernails in everyones pie. It's gross, it really is. More than that though, it makes me furiously enraged. Why can't you just leave that awesome family alone? What is it about reporting on people that don't need to be reported on that makes you so evil and lude? Why do I want to send a round house kick to each celebrity reporter's friggin' fat head? So many questions, so many round houses to the head.
Seriously, this family was and is great. They have their problems like every family but they were making it. They even allowed a camera crew to follow them around all the time. Until they were betrayed. By the media. Just goes to show people. Just goes to show that these networks and magazines will promise you the world. Then they will offer a breadcrumb and promise it to you if you comply with their demands, and when you try and take it, they'll backhand you like a fat nazi. It's really terrible. This family was just trying to make it, working to make a good life for their kids. They loved eachother. Sadly all it takes is a few rumors. All it takes is a few false accusations, a little fame. Then it all tumbles down.
So pat yourselves on the back you reporters, you haters of happiness, congratulate yourselves on a job almost done. You almost ruined a perfectly good family. It takes a really terrible person to pull of that kind of stunt. Oh, dont worry, it was a team effort by all you crooked paparazzi just trying to make a buck for your next buzz. Spread the blame amongst yourselves. But in the end, I hope you all realize, I hope you realize that you are all to blame for this. Then when you realize that I hope you go home and lay on a pillow, a pillow, full of tacs. When that happens, you're gonna want to get up and take some pain pills, actually open a new bottle and take ALL the pills, then puke it up and you will see your good works soaking into the carpet. I think then and only then will you media people really understand. So I guess what I really wanna say is I hate a lot of different celebrity magazines and a lot of TV stations. Therefore I will also talk about why they are terrible. I'll point out some of their faults as they have tried to do to Jon and Kate.
uh some guy lied about finding papers on president bush on a major network
Ok, thats way to much research for me. You get the point.
Anyways suck on that news media. Leave my Jon and Kate plus 8 people alone!
I have been following this fantastic family since the beginning probably. I have seen almost every episode although I usually just catch the daytime reruns. What the media has done to this family is awful. Do I blame Jon? No. Do I blame Kate? No. Do I blame those awesome little youngsters? HECK no. I blame TLC and People freakin' magazine and all those stupid media monkeys that have to get their decrepit dainty little old asian lady hands with long fingernails in everyones pie. It's gross, it really is. More than that though, it makes me furiously enraged. Why can't you just leave that awesome family alone? What is it about reporting on people that don't need to be reported on that makes you so evil and lude? Why do I want to send a round house kick to each celebrity reporter's friggin' fat head? So many questions, so many round houses to the head.
Seriously, this family was and is great. They have their problems like every family but they were making it. They even allowed a camera crew to follow them around all the time. Until they were betrayed. By the media. Just goes to show people. Just goes to show that these networks and magazines will promise you the world. Then they will offer a breadcrumb and promise it to you if you comply with their demands, and when you try and take it, they'll backhand you like a fat nazi. It's really terrible. This family was just trying to make it, working to make a good life for their kids. They loved eachother. Sadly all it takes is a few rumors. All it takes is a few false accusations, a little fame. Then it all tumbles down.
So pat yourselves on the back you reporters, you haters of happiness, congratulate yourselves on a job almost done. You almost ruined a perfectly good family. It takes a really terrible person to pull of that kind of stunt. Oh, dont worry, it was a team effort by all you crooked paparazzi just trying to make a buck for your next buzz. Spread the blame amongst yourselves. But in the end, I hope you all realize, I hope you realize that you are all to blame for this. Then when you realize that I hope you go home and lay on a pillow, a pillow, full of tacs. When that happens, you're gonna want to get up and take some pain pills, actually open a new bottle and take ALL the pills, then puke it up and you will see your good works soaking into the carpet. I think then and only then will you media people really understand. So I guess what I really wanna say is I hate a lot of different celebrity magazines and a lot of TV stations. Therefore I will also talk about why they are terrible. I'll point out some of their faults as they have tried to do to Jon and Kate.
People Magazine Mistakes Rain for Karl Yune
US magazine lies about Sarah Palinuh some guy lied about finding papers on president bush on a major network
Ok, thats way to much research for me. You get the point.
Anyways suck on that news media. Leave my Jon and Kate plus 8 people alone!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Chill rock
Alright, there is a type of rock out there that I like to call 'Chill Rock'. Bands like The Killers, Death Cab for Cutie, Coldplay, OneRepublic, and many others. Now there are some good songs by these bands don't get me wrong. The thing I don't understand is how can people listen to it as their main music? I mean sure if you wanted to go to sleep it would be good, or if you wanted time to seem like it was going really slow. Maybe it'd be good if you wanted to calm down after being angry, or if you were excited and you wanted to be bored. But other than those situations that I just described, what is the allure of this substandard art? Its like drinking caramel instead of just having a little with your ice cream. I guess I'm just not a caramel drinker.
For me OneRepublic is easy listening. Their songs vary enough that it doesn't become overly repetative. The lead singer changes his volume and pitch in order to avoid listeners becoming bored. I am the kind of person who can see the good in music that is not necessarily my favorite. For example I hate rap, but I do recognize good rap when I hear it. Likewise with country, it rarely happens but sometimes there is some talent that comes out of the genres. Death Cab is pretty good. My main beef with them is that the lead singer sounds fairly emotionless. Seriously, there is a part in one song where he is obviously dealing with some anger, but he sings like he's bored. Because of the amount of songs released by this group there is obviously going to be some repetitive sound. Its the same with a lot of big bands, Death Cab, Nickelback, Pearl Jam, The Beatles, it happens to the best of them. Coldplay is even a little worse. Actually I listened to 2 different songs and had no idea. There is definitely room for improvement there. They did just win song of the year, but Katey Perry won a grammy as well so thats not saying much, in fact its not saying anything at all really.
Another problem I have with it is the total lack of instruments. Not that necessarily but the bands refusal to master the instrument they play. It's like they played guitar in middle school and thats the best they can do. C'mon guys, you need to learn how to rock. Thats not to say the lyrics of the songs aren't good. Actually many of the lyrics are pretty great. It's the noise that ruins the moment. Most of these bands could put and angry Billy Parksen to sleep without even trying. So, those are my thoughts. Let them pitter patter around in the cranium for awhile, soak up the genius of my word and listen to something that rocks. P.S. the bands I mentioned above do not rock.
For me OneRepublic is easy listening. Their songs vary enough that it doesn't become overly repetative. The lead singer changes his volume and pitch in order to avoid listeners becoming bored. I am the kind of person who can see the good in music that is not necessarily my favorite. For example I hate rap, but I do recognize good rap when I hear it. Likewise with country, it rarely happens but sometimes there is some talent that comes out of the genres. Death Cab is pretty good. My main beef with them is that the lead singer sounds fairly emotionless. Seriously, there is a part in one song where he is obviously dealing with some anger, but he sings like he's bored. Because of the amount of songs released by this group there is obviously going to be some repetitive sound. Its the same with a lot of big bands, Death Cab, Nickelback, Pearl Jam, The Beatles, it happens to the best of them. Coldplay is even a little worse. Actually I listened to 2 different songs and had no idea. There is definitely room for improvement there. They did just win song of the year, but Katey Perry won a grammy as well so thats not saying much, in fact its not saying anything at all really.
Another problem I have with it is the total lack of instruments. Not that necessarily but the bands refusal to master the instrument they play. It's like they played guitar in middle school and thats the best they can do. C'mon guys, you need to learn how to rock. Thats not to say the lyrics of the songs aren't good. Actually many of the lyrics are pretty great. It's the noise that ruins the moment. Most of these bands could put and angry Billy Parksen to sleep without even trying. So, those are my thoughts. Let them pitter patter around in the cranium for awhile, soak up the genius of my word and listen to something that rocks. P.S. the bands I mentioned above do not rock.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Nick and Nora's Infinite playlist
You might be wondering to yourself right now. What is Chris gonna say about this movie? Is he going to tear it down and expose it for the worthless sack of vomit that it is? Is he going to puke because he ate over 1 pound of hamburger meat in one sitting at Sheri's Diner? To answer your question I will start by pointing out some of the lighter and funnier moments of the movie. It wont take long.
So, to sum up the funny parts of the movie. Micheal Cera gets punched in the throat, that was funny. He says that he never washes his pants as he pulls out something he got three weeks ago from his pocket. He does what he can to salvage the show. There are other mildly funny things he does but it wasn't supposed to be a super funny movie so thats what you end up with. I told you it wouldn't take long.
And now for how the movie spiraled into a pit of horribleness. First word of the movie, he drops the F bomb. He is supposed to be a bass player for a gay band of which he is the only straight guy. He can't get over this girl that dumped him and he keeps making her mix CDs that she throws away. Nora finds the CDs and doesn't know who Nick is but loves the music. Blah blah blah they end up meeting and drama and gross gay guy jokes. The movie gets progressively worse as it goes on. I'm not sure what demographic hollywood was going for here but it definitely wasn't anyone that I know. There was a fair amount of unnecessary crappy sexual humor and related things. The plot was worthless. This 90 minute film felt like 3 hours. Not a good three hours like if you were watching a good movie or getting a massage, a horrible three hours like if you were in a torture cage in Vietnam or driving by a sulfur pit over and over. Imagine you are watching Cloverfield, I know its painful to imagine going through that torture again. OK, so steady the camera, remove the monster and ta da, you end up with Nick and Nora's Infinite playlist. Yes, its that bad. Now imagine someone offers to erase all the memories that you have of that movie if you drink a full cup of vinegar mixed with ammonia, I'd take that offer.The movie didn't even have a good plot to start with. Its like they could have made a somewhat decent 20 minute film but instead stretched it to 90 min by throwing in random crap. Like Nora's friend ending up at a gay church thing. OK, I will say, if you think everything that gay people do is the funniest thing in the world, this might be ok to you. The gay aspect of this movie just helped ruin it. The sad thing is if you take all the gay crap out, the movie still sucks. Oh, I must mention that Nick's exgirlfriend looks like a freaky older Miley Cirus, I know, I'm scared too. To finish, you're time would be better spent watching Lifetime than watching this movie. OK, maybe not that bad, but knitting would be more fun and innovative. I hope that they never make a movie like this in the future.
So, to sum up the funny parts of the movie. Micheal Cera gets punched in the throat, that was funny. He says that he never washes his pants as he pulls out something he got three weeks ago from his pocket. He does what he can to salvage the show. There are other mildly funny things he does but it wasn't supposed to be a super funny movie so thats what you end up with. I told you it wouldn't take long.
And now for how the movie spiraled into a pit of horribleness. First word of the movie, he drops the F bomb. He is supposed to be a bass player for a gay band of which he is the only straight guy. He can't get over this girl that dumped him and he keeps making her mix CDs that she throws away. Nora finds the CDs and doesn't know who Nick is but loves the music. Blah blah blah they end up meeting and drama and gross gay guy jokes. The movie gets progressively worse as it goes on. I'm not sure what demographic hollywood was going for here but it definitely wasn't anyone that I know. There was a fair amount of unnecessary crappy sexual humor and related things. The plot was worthless. This 90 minute film felt like 3 hours. Not a good three hours like if you were watching a good movie or getting a massage, a horrible three hours like if you were in a torture cage in Vietnam or driving by a sulfur pit over and over. Imagine you are watching Cloverfield, I know its painful to imagine going through that torture again. OK, so steady the camera, remove the monster and ta da, you end up with Nick and Nora's Infinite playlist. Yes, its that bad. Now imagine someone offers to erase all the memories that you have of that movie if you drink a full cup of vinegar mixed with ammonia, I'd take that offer.The movie didn't even have a good plot to start with. Its like they could have made a somewhat decent 20 minute film but instead stretched it to 90 min by throwing in random crap. Like Nora's friend ending up at a gay church thing. OK, I will say, if you think everything that gay people do is the funniest thing in the world, this might be ok to you. The gay aspect of this movie just helped ruin it. The sad thing is if you take all the gay crap out, the movie still sucks. Oh, I must mention that Nick's exgirlfriend looks like a freaky older Miley Cirus, I know, I'm scared too. To finish, you're time would be better spent watching Lifetime than watching this movie. OK, maybe not that bad, but knitting would be more fun and innovative. I hope that they never make a movie like this in the future.
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